New Blog

I’ve started a new blog to promote my new book: The Wife Disposal Service.

You can buy it from Amazon. Chapter 1 is below.

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Chapter One from the book

Chapter 1 – Problem

“That greedy bitch !” said one of the men sitting in the back of a black Rolls-Royce Ghost speeding along the M2 towards London, “That greedy, gold-digging tart !” he continued.

“I told you what she was like. ” replied the second man, “I told you to get a prenup and here we are !”

“Prenups don’t always work, especially in the UK” retorted the first man.

The Rolls-Royce sped past Chatham and the two men continued. “You used to be quite into her !” said the second man.

“I was at first. Young women do have a certain beauty and energy about them that can be very intoxicating to old guys like us.” said the first man.

“They sure do.” the second man agreed “how much is she getting ?”

“Half ! my lawyers don’t have a bloody clue ! … what really pisses me off is that I create the wealth and that brain-dead barbie doll just turns it into a mountain of designer clothes. I bloody hate that stupid bitch now, I wish she would just disappear out of my life ! what can I do ?”

The second man had an idea but it was so horrific he kept it to himself.

“Should I get different lawyers ? would that help ?” asked the first man in frustration.

“Probably not.” replied the second man.

“I should have let the stupid bitch die five years ago, it would have been so easy.” said the first man.

“What happened five years ago ?” asked the second man.

“We were in Spain, long story short, she drank herself into a coma, I came in just in time, saw her on her back about to drown in her own vomit … and like an idiot I rolled her on to her side and called an ambulance, what a wasted opportunity !!” said the first man with a disappointed tone.

The second man weighed up the pros and cons of telling the first man about his idea, “Just suppose you had another opportunity ?”

“Opportunity ??” exclaimed the first man.

“Yes, for her to disappear and you blameless” said the second man.

The first man slowly turned his head to the second man. “You mean … it would solve a lot of problems … but could it be traced back to me ?”

“There are ways to do this … I need to think … but if you’re having this problem others must be too.” said the second man “The legal system is becoming decidedly anti-male so this ‘service’ could be become very lucrative.”

“You evil git ! are you seriously suggesting we setup http://www.bump-off-my-wife.com ?” said the first man.

“No, nothing quite as obvious as that, ” replied the second man ” but yes !”

“OK, lets just sort my problem first !” said the first man “Who do you know that might be useful ?”

“I’ll check when I get back but I know some guys who have been hacking car computer systems.” replied the second man.

“What can you achieve by hacking car systems ?” asked the first man.

“Those guys invited me to a demo a while back and it made me very nervous.” said the second man.

“So … how does that help me ?” asked the first man.

“You’ll see.” said the second man.

The two men sat in silence as the Rolls-Royce sped to London.

This is why I don’t do Cloud Computing

This is why I don’t do “Cloud Computing” – If your internet connection goes down, so does your business – if your Cloud Service goes bust, so does your business – If your government doesn’t like you, your files disappear (Like what happened to Wiki Leaks !) – your files might be encrypted with your password but who else has that password ?

ZeroHedge – Amazon cloud crashes takes part web offline;

Still, It could be worse :-
TechDirt – How Did Danger Not Backup Its Servers? How Did Microsoft Allow Such A Failure?

Some companies dream of being at the center of your digital world, not because they like you, but because it gives them a wonderful choke-hold on you :-

  • “Sorry Mr X, our costs have have gone up so pay us loads more or lose your data”
  • “That’s a nice little start-up you have there, it would be a shame if you were to compete with any of my golfing buddies”
  • Dear Mrs Z, we have shorted your stock and need your stock price to go down … so we have pulled your plugs for a few days”

Sorry Cloud Computing Suppliers, I don’t give a toss what your marketing muppets say, I’ll keep my files on my own machines thanks !

Ben prints – Gold jumps

The Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke started another round of Quantitative Easing (AKA QE3 / Printing Money) yesterday and (predictably) Gold jumped from £1074 / oz to £1098 / oz in short order.

Anyone paying attention will know from today that their cash is worth a little bit less now. Anyone seriously paying attention moved their savings from banks ages ago into Gold, Silver, Property and P2P lending sites (like ZOPA, Funding Circle).

The whole point of QE is to transfer wealth from productive people (ie normal working people) to zombie institutions (ie banks) to keep them afloat for just a little while longer.

Anyone with a normal savings account earning pitiful (1% ~ 2%) interest rates might want to have a re-think.

 

Watching a beta man in action

I was at my favourite pub yesterday. The band was playing inside to an audience of three while everyone else was outside in the sunshine drinking and chatting.

A young woman (waitress in my favourite restaurant) called me over. I went over to her table, greeted her and introduced myself to her friends.

Sitting at the same table was a man in his late thirties who was declaring his undying love to a pretty young women sitting next to him and she was having none of it. He had been doing this for a few days and the young women was starting to show signs of impatience. So were her friends.

When he moved away from the table to grab a drink I explained the error of his ways. When he got back he started another onslaught of  I-love-you-so-you-must-love-me  at the young women. He didn’t seem to understand that if a women doesn’t like you, you can’t change her mind and you should move on.

I wonder how long before he gets a restraining order or a visit from her new boyfriend !

Its the job of the men to approach women, its also the job of the men to know when to disengage from a disinterested woman and move on.

Some men much smarter than me have written about this :-

The reason beta males pedestalize women

The 16 commandments of Poon

Pook – Kill that desperation!

Mr Fingers – THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

And for those who don’t know what a “beta male / man” is :-

  • Alpha man understands women and gets the gorgeous ones.
  • Beta man doesn’t understand women and just gets the dregs.

Happy hunting.

Flashback: 1977 Belize

Setting: 1977, Belize (Central America)
Our unit was stationed in Belize for six months in three camps. One was at the north near Belize city, the middle one was half way down on the border with Guatemala and the last one was way south in the middle of nowhere.

Because the moral of the troops in the southern camp was dropping, the officers decided it would be a good idea to have someone play the daily bugle calls like Reveille, Cookhouse and the Last post.

That someone was my friend Dave, a decent enough chap but a bit of a slob at heart. To blow Reveille at 06:00 Dave would need to get up at about 05:30 to have enough time to puts his uniform on and march the the square. He did this quite successfully for a few days until after a heavy night in the NAAFI (a small shop/club/bar on camp) he woke up at 05:55 !! This gave him no time to get ready so he decided that if he just wrapped a towel around himself and blew Reveille outside his bunk, he could get away with it.

He did this and two things happened. The CO (Commanding Officer) was walking past and his towel fell down exposing everything.

He certainly boosted moral as he was marched, bits a dangling, to jail !